A Journal Entry- Character comes with Sacrifice.

Is there a way to obtain great character without it being so hard?
Is there a way for my stubborn will to release my grip on what I believe to be my life, my time, my family, my rights, my needs. Or will somehow this lesson be learned one sacrifice at a time? For I know these are the lessons I'm going to have to learn if I want the Lord's will in my life.

Lord Jesus, teach me to release and let you lead. I've given it all to You yet I know I still have strings attached. Make my will Thine. 

So Very Loved

The other day I was feeling down. I was down on me. You know what I mean. I had made a royal mess of the day from rushing about scolding my husband to freaking out about every little thing. At the end of the day I was feeling at odds with my husband. And rightly so, it hadn't been so fun for him either. As we talked I really began to fall into my same old habit of hating myself for my my failures and struggles. I've learned over time that when I get into a slump like this one, the next thing that will happen is depression. You might say I've been walking this path, fighting these battles, for most of my life.
Only today as I began my trek down this path something different happened in my mind. I believe it was Christ trying to bring me back home before I got to far away.
I realized over and over again I try to be good, to say the right thing, to live out my Christian walk the way I believe it should be and to be the good person I know I should be. It's hard. I fail daily a lot. Tonight though, the thoughts racing through my head were instead "Greater is HE that is in you than he that is in the world"(1 John 4: ) I reworded it in my head to say too "Greater is HE that is in you than you." Because Jesus is greater than me. And His power is greater that all of my selfishness and failures. His love reaches through.
Romans 8: 35-39 says "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

If Jesus cares this much about me, than why do I let my perception of who I should be, my desire to have a tidy house, always a productive life, a beautiful quiet time everyday, to never fail or say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing or look silly, etc. so mess up my life on a very regular basis? If Jesus loves me this much, than why do I care so much about such silly things? Isn't Jesus more than all of this? Yes He is. He is greater than me and all the silly stuff I come up with.

I cried softly to myself. "I surrender AGAIN!" I whispered. Am I a failure because I struggled again? No, I am loved and redeemed by the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. So I pick myself up off the ground. Dust off my pants, pray once more for the Holy Spirit to consume me. Thank Jesus for His grace and forgiveness and continue on my way. Not alone, not on my own strength, and so very loved.

Thoughts on Grief

We do not want to lose our grief, because our grief is bound up with our love.-

Mourning is evidence that a person has had a real and deep connection to another person.-

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

Hold this thought: Shared silence is comforting.

Then the book of Job came to mind. Now Job’s three friends have gone down in history as examples of what not to do for a friend who is suffering, but that’s not fair. It’s true that those guys screwed up the moment they opened their mouths, but do you recall what they did before they spoke? Take note: "When they saw [Job] from a distance, they could hardly recognize him, they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was" (Job 2:12-13).

Proverbs 25:20

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.

Grief is the sign that you have loved.

Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.

Proverbs 14:13

When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews Who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" He asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.

Jesus wept.

Then the Jews said, "See how He loved him!" But some of them said, "Could not He who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?" Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. "Take away the stone," He said."But, Lord," said Martha, the sister of the dead man, "by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days." Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?"

But now, this is what the LORD says— He Who created you, Jacob, He Who formed you, Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.Isaiah 43:1-2

You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?

Psalm 56:8

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
~Laura Story~Blessings


So faithful. So constant.
So loving and so true.
So powerful in all You do.

You fill me. You see me.
You know my every move
and You love for me to sing to You.

I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never,
forsake me in my weaknesses

I know that You have come now,
even if to write upon my heart.
To remind me who You are.

So patient, So gracious,
So merciful and true…
So wonderful in all You do.
You know me. You see me.
You know my every move.
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me.
I know that You are for me.
I know that You will never,
forsake me in my weaknesses.
I know that You have come now,
even if to write upon my heart.
Kari Jobe~You Are For Me

When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.
In God, whose word I praise—
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?

Psalm 56:3-4

I give thanks to You, O Lord my God, with my whole heart,
and I will glorify Your Name forever.
For great is Your steadfast love toward me;
You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.

Psalm 86:12-13

The Game of Honor

Romans 12:10 says in the ESV "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." I really like that thought. I have this game I play with myself. I try to outdo my hubby in showing honor. Which means doing the things he appreciates or would enjoy. Usually it’s quite a competition. He’s much better than I am at honoring me as a way of life. Here’s a little list from my notebook on some ways right now I'm working on in honoring my Hubby. Insert the things that show your hubby or the people in your family honor.

4 ways I can Honor my Hubby Daily.
(This does not include the things that I do everyday without thought. This is only the things I know he appreciates and I struggle to do.)
• Keep the couch and rocker cleared off of stuff
• Have a drink in the fridge when he gets home
• Have a snack ready when he gets home at night
• Be attractive when he gets home


4 Habits to Learn that Honor my Hubby Daily
• PRAY FOR HIM!!!
• Don’t be a nag
• Let him sleep
• Let him get his work done

You are Loved

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2

You are loved beyond your failures
You are loved beyond your past
The hope that you’ve imagined
Is now reality at last
You are loved with no conditions
You are loved with no remorse
The scars of your forgiveness
Are engraved upon the Lord
You are loved

A Decision

Life is a Decision. And in this point of life I’ve learned that marriage is a decision. A decision to honor when my feelings tell me to spout out a sarcastic comment. A decision to not harbor the feelings of resentment that creep in when my husband doesn’t come in when I think he should or doesn’t buy what I think he should and the list goes on.

I guess I’ve always known that life was a decision. A decision to use my money wisely, to work with integrity, to do the very best I can even when no one else is. To love even when it hurts and to turn the other cheek. Ultimately to make a moment by moment decision for Christ. To obey His commandments which is loving Him (John 14:23) and to love my neighbor as myself.

One decision I've been making is the decision to not just make my husband apart of my life but make his life mine. It's one thing to make sure his physical needs are met; give him this little section of my time here but still remain disconnected in my world. But to make his dreams my dreams, his desires, my desires, his heart, my heart. Now that takes a decision.

Yes, quite often I feel like loving my husband. To serve him, respect him and do what pleases him. But more often than not, it is my right decisions that cause me to feel like doing that.
My feelings follow my decisions.

But I can’t make this decision on my own. I find the farther I stray from God, meaning the times when I don’t seek Him continually are the times when I struggle the most to make the right decision and to do the right thing. Only by the power of God can I move forward. And when I am seeking the face of God, and trusting Him, I am loving my husband. Because loving God is the best thing I can do to love my husband.

Am I there yet? Not a chance. But that is part of God's grace.